I got sick the other day and I was sick all day yesterday. I’m feeling a little bit better today, my cough got worse though and I’m feeling flemmy. But I’m not feeling fever-ish or congested anymore. Thank goodness.
My OCD works funny when I’m sick. I’m much more aware of things. Depending on how sick I feel at that moment determines how much I’ll freak out.
For example, yesterday after waking up after my nap. I had to pee really really bad and when my dad’ takes baths, he moves everything everywhere and it really really bugs me. So my hamper was behind the door so every time I tried to open the door, it would bounce back at me because of my mesh hamper and I had to pee bad at this point. So I just pulled down my pants and pee’d even if I was playing bounce back with the door. Of course after peeing I started freaking out about if my pj pants touched the toilet. And I got a bit stressed out because I didn’t remember. But as soon as I got back to my room, I figured it couldn’t had and left it alone. I actually have been trying to suppress that one thought for about 12 hours now. I’m sure it wont fully go away until I wash my blankets that I sit on, on my chair. But hey, whatever!
And while I was napping yesterday, I felt so sick I just didn’t care. I was in my home pj outfit (yes, I have two different sets of clothes; my home outfit and my sleeping outfit) and I laid on my bed and went to sleep. I felt so miserable I didn’t care if I was getting anything contaminated. It felt great but at the same time, it made me a little sad. I’m not even able to nap on my own bed when I want to… 
The reason I bring this up today, is because my husband wanted me to go to his house today.
I avoid going to his house because of my OCD. It’s not really just his house, I avoid going to anyone’s house. I avoid going to my own living room. Because I just don’t know how clean it is. Everyone elses definition of clean is far different from my own.
And we always get into this mini arguments about it. He knows I don’t feel comfortable being there. And even now that I’m sick, I know it’s going to freak me out even more. I’m sure I’m going to be paranoid and itchy and irritated. And it’s just going to make him sad that I’m being OCD while I’m there, when he knows I will be!
If I could take a vacation from my OCD, believe me, I WOULD. Without even thinking twice. I know it’s unfair to him. But do you ever wonder how unfair it is to me? I’m robbed of the little things in life I can’t even do. I wish my life was normal. I wish I didn’t have this type of thinking. I wish I could just make this all go away. But after 6 years of wishing, it’s still here. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m too tired and discouraged to even think of ways to minimize it anymore. I’m just waiting for the day I hit rock bottom again and just get too tired to even listen to it anymore. But with the stress I’m under, I doubt that will happen any time soon.