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Category Archives: Struggles
A week of anxiety.
I haven’t had anxiety like this since… before we went into debt consolidation. So I can’t really figure out why I’m having it now. I mean, my secret savings is gone thanks to the phone bill and our grant hasn’t come in yet even though they claimed it was released on the 10th. Giving it a few days, it should had been here by now. If it’s not here by Monday, I may have to call and complain. But this … Continue reading
Massive pen explosion.
Yesterday I was patiently waiting for my dad to get done with the dryer before I started my laundry and luckily by the time I went downstairs to check, he was pulling my brother’s clothes out of the dryer. So I go about my business, doing laundry and putting it in the dryer. So when it comes time to pull it out, I do and I don’t notice anything odd. Normally I would fold my laundry after I pull it … Continue reading
Picking up my habits.
As I’ve probably mentioned before, my dad has OCD too and awhile back, he noticed my sudden use of disinfectant wipes. And he’s witnessed me cleaning the toilet seat with them. Well I guess since he saw me do it, he started doing it too. I tell him not to and he goes on and on talking about bacteria or something which I know he probably didn’t even know about until he read the back of the bottle. I’m sure … Continue reading
It could had been me…
A friend of mine gave me a random update on my ex boyfriend. An ex boyfriend who at one point, destroyed my entire world. I heard about his new girlfriend a few years ago, they were together for a few years and all this time I thought maybe she was able to stand him for so many years because maybe he had changed. Maybe he grew up, maybe he matured, maybe he treated her better than he ever treated me. … Continue reading
*sigh.
A while back, my mom bought some Chinese food and I had told her I couldn’t go eat it because I couldn’t. OCD works different for everyone, but for me… I shower at night and so I’m clean for the night up until either 1) I’m getting ready to leave the house or 2) I’m getting ready to go to bed. So whatever I do from my shower to either one of those two options, I have to stay clean … Continue reading
Give me a break, let me make my own path…
When does the struggling stop? When does it all end up better? Telling myself that things can’t suck forever worked so much better in high school when my biggest problem were stupid boy problems. But now, now that my biggest problems are things that could turn my entire life around if I don’t fix them… makes things so much more scarier. Everyday is a struggle, if not with OCD then with something else. It’s always something. Sometimes (like now) it’s … Continue reading
Break break down…
This week has been… stressful. I thought after enrolling into the debt consolidation program and talking to Citi Bank it would be all smooth sailing from there. I WAS WRONG. Over the span of 3 days this last week I’ve somehow managed to owe two different places $800. I didn’t even get the pleasure of swiping my card for this debt! INSANE. I owe my community college $105 for 2 classes. One of those classes was a journalism class of … Continue reading
My obsession with time.
Positivity hasn’t been coming easy the last few weeks… or months… I’ve lost track. I’ve been struggling with staying positive lately and that makes me incredibly sad(der). We completed the debt consolidation and when I walked out of the office, I felt… lighter. I thought I’d be upset that I just gave up all my credit accounts but oddly, I felt happy. And I still do, which amazes me. But at the same time, I felt tied down. This is … Continue reading
Sick.
I got sick the other day and I was sick all day yesterday. I’m feeling a little bit better today, my cough got worse though and I’m feeling flemmy. But I’m not feeling fever-ish or congested anymore. Thank goodness. My OCD works funny when I’m sick. I’m much more aware of things. Depending on how sick I feel at that moment determines how much I’ll freak out. For example, yesterday after waking up after my nap. I had to pee … Continue reading
Maybe I should turn off my phone.
I woke up happy and optimistic today, the sun was out and it made my room warm. After all this Winter weather I was happy to finally see some sun! So I decided to edit some pictures, draft some entries and maybe go to the waterfront or somewhere to walk around with my husband and enjoy the sun. Well he calls a little bit after I’m done editing and drafting to tell me that Kay called him about the bill … Continue reading